Momwe mungathanirane ndi kukondoweza

Mu positi yanga yachiwiri yabulogu, ndidafuna kuthana ndi funso la momwe ndingathanirane mwachangu ndi kumverera kwamphamvu. Ichi n’chinthu chimene amuna amene ndinawafunsa m’buku langa lakuti The Highly Sensitive Man kaŵirikaŵiri anachilongosola kukhala chimodzi mwa zovuta zawo zazikulu.

Kukhala ndi dongosolo lamanjenje lapakati komanso lomvera limatanthawuza kuti amuna omwe ali ndi chidwi kwambiri nthawi zambiri amakhala otanganidwa kwambiri. Amachita mozama kwambiri ndi zokopa zamkati (malingaliro, malingaliro, kumverera kwa thupi) komanso zokopa zakunja (anthu, phokoso, kuwala, fungo), zomwe zingayambitse mwamsanga kumverera kwa ntchito mopitirira muyeso. Mkhalidwe wokometsedwa woterewu ungadziwonetsere mu mawonekedwe a malingaliro amphamvu, malingaliro osiyana, kupsyinjika kwa thupi, maganizo ndi maganizo, ndi chisokonezo chamkati. Izi nthawi zambiri zimatsatiridwa ndi kutopa komanso kutopa chifukwa dongosolo lanu lamanjenje lakhala likugwira ntchito "mochuluka."

Chizoloŵezi chofuna kusonkhezera mopambanitsa sichingapewedwe kotheratu, chifukwa n’kosatheka kupeŵa zinthu zonse zomwe zingakhale zovuta, kaya ndi kupita kusitolo yodzaza ndi anthu ambiri, phwando la tsiku lobadwa la m’bale wanu, ulaliki wa kuntchito, kulinganiza kapena Kusungitsa tchuthi chanu chotsatira, kapena ulendo wodzadza. makolo usiku kusukulu ya mwana wanu. Zinthu zonsezi zimatha kuwoneka ngati zolimbikitsa kwambiri chifukwa zimatsagana ndi kukonzedwa kwazinthu zambiri zamkati ndi zakunja. Chifukwa chake, sikutheka kupeŵa kukondoweza kopitilira muyeso, makamaka chifukwa kungakutsogolereni kukhala ndi moyo wolamuliridwa komanso wotopetsa.

Kukhala ndi moyo wokangalika, kuika pachiwopsezo, kutsata zolinga za moyo, ndikupeza zinthu zatsopano, nthawi zina zimapindulitsa kuvomereza kwakanthawi kochepa. Ndipo kumapeto kwa tsiku, pamene kusonkhezera mopitirira muyeso sikuli bwino, ndi vuto la thanzi lanu ngati mukhalabe mumkhalidwe wovuta kwambiri ndipo osapatsa dongosolo lanu lamanjenje kupuma.

Vuto la munthu yemwe amakonda kutengeka kwambiri komanso wokonda kwambiri zinthu, zomwe nthawi zambiri amakumana nazo pamodzi, amaphunzira kuthana ndi malingaliro awa nthawi iliyonse akabuka. Izi zikutanthauza kuti amuna ozindikira kwambiri amayenera kukhazika mtima pansi akawona kuti akumva kutengeka, kupsinjika, kapena kusangalala kwambiri.

Kuwongolera maganizo kungathandizedi pa izi.

Pankhani ya psychotherapy, kuwongolera malingaliro ndikutha kusintha ndikuwongolera malingaliro anu, makamaka pamene malingaliro amenewo ali amphamvu kwambiri komanso osasangalatsa. Cholinga apa sikuti ndimve kalikonse kapena kungomva bwino, koma kulekerera bwino malingaliro athu ndi kudzutsidwa kwamalingaliro kuti tisamve kuti tilibe mphamvu pakuwongolera kwawo.

Maluso otsatirawa owongolera malingaliro atha kutithandiza kuthana ndi kukondoweza komanso malingaliro amphamvu:

• Kutha kuzindikira, kusiyanitsa ndikutchula malingaliro anu ("Ndikumva kukwiya", "Ndikumva kukwiya", "Ndikumva kukwiya").
• Kutha kuzindikira zoyambitsa ndi zinthu zomwe zili ndi malingaliro anu ("Ndikumva ... chifukwa ...", "Nthawi iliyonse ndikatero ... ndiye ndimamva ...").
• Kutha kukopa mphamvu, nthawi, komanso mtundu wamalingaliro.
• Kulitsani kulingalira ndi kuvomereza malingaliro (onani momwe mukumvera musanayambe kuchita, phunzirani kulolera malingaliro; mmalo monena kuti "Ndikufuna / sindiyenera / sindiyenera kumva izi", phunzirani kunena kuti "Ndikumva ..., pakali pano, ndipo zili bwino" kapena "Ndikumva ... ndipo ndipitiriza kusunga kumverera uku mpaka kusintha").
• Phunzirani kuwongolera malingaliro anu ("Ndi zachilendo ndipo si vuto kumverera motere", "Anthu ena amamva chonchi muzochitika zotere").
• Phunzirani kuzindikira bwino kugwirizana komwe kulipo pakati pa zosowa zapamtima ndi malingaliro (“Ndikumva bwino tsopano chifukwa…”, “Ndikamva…, ndiye ndimafunikira…”).
• Mukakhala ndi malingaliro olakwika, phunzirani kudzithandiza ndi kudzisamalira, kudzimvera chisoni, ndi kuthana ndi mavuto anu kapena zowawa zanu mwanjira yachifundo ndi yachifundo, monga momwe mungakhalire ndi mnzanu ("Ndiri pano chifukwa cha inu," Sikophweka kwa inu," "Ndikumva ululu wanu," "Siwekha, ndili nanu," "Tandiuza chomwe chalakwika."
• Phunzirani kupanga malingaliro ena odzitonthoza ("Khalani chete", "Khalani omasuka", "Pamodzi ndi nthawi").
• Kutha kusintha khalidwe lanu nthawi zosiyanasiyana (mwachitsanzo, kuchita zinazake mozindikira kapena kuchita zinazake kuti mukhazikike mtima pansi kapena kuti zinthu zikhale bwino kwa inu).
• Kugwiritsa ntchito njira zopumulira thupi (kupumula thupi lanu, minofu, ndi kupuma mukakhala ndi nkhawa kapena kupsinjika).
• Gwiritsani ntchito bwino malingaliro anu (mwachitsanzo, kukumbukira zochitika zakale ndi zochitika zomwe zidakupatsani mphamvu ndikukupangitsani kukhala odekha, omasuka komanso otetezeka, kapena kukumbukira malo opumula kapena chidaliro chanu chomwe mumayanjana ndi malingaliro abwino ndi kukumbukira).

Maluso omwe timagwiritsa ntchito kuwongolera malingaliro athu, omwe nthawi zambiri timagwiritsa ntchito modzidzimutsa komanso mosazindikira m'miyoyo yathu yatsiku ndi tsiku, ndi zinthu zomwe timaphunzira tidakali aang'ono, monga makanda ndi ana, kudzera mukukumana ndi makolo athu. Makolo athu amatipatsanso chitsanzo chachindunji cha mmene tingachitire ndi malingaliro athu, zimene timaphunzira ndi kuziika m’kati mwathu.

Uthenga wabwino ndi wakuti mosasamala kanthu za zomwe tinakumana nazo muubwana wathu, mosasamala kanthu za chitsanzo chathu, ngati tigwiritsa ntchito mosamala njira zomwe tafotokozazi, tikhoza kulimbikitsabe ndikukulitsa luso lathu lolamulira ndi kusintha malingaliro athu m'tsogolomu. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, tsopano tikudziwanso kuti kuchepa kwa kayendetsedwe ka maganizo, malinga ndi momwe timaonera, kuyika, kulolera, kumvetsetsa ndi kusintha maganizo athu, kungayambitse ndi kusunga mavuto a maganizo.

Ngati ukudzizindikiritsa lero kuti ndiwe mwamuna womvera kwambiri, ndiye kuti unalinso khanda lomvera komanso mwana. Ndipo ngati munalira pamene munali khanda chifukwa chakuti, mwinamwake, munatopa kwambiri, ndiye kuti mwina anali makolo anu kapena wosamalira wina amene (mwachiyembekezo) anayesera kukutonthozani ndi kukukhazika mtima pansi. Zoonadi, sizili choncho nthawi zonse, koma moyenerera akanachita mwa kukukumbatirani, kukusisitani, kulankhula nanu mwakachetechete, kuyimba kapena kung’ung’udza; kumukhudza kapena kumusokoneza kuti akhazikike mtima pansi komanso kuti achepetse kupsinjika maganizo ndi thupi.

Ndipo ndizo, kwenikweni, ndendende zomwe mungachite ngati mwamuna wamkulu womvera mukakhala mumkhalidwe wovuta kwambiri. Simukanadekha kapena kusiya kulira ngati khanda kapena mwana ngati makolo anu akukukalirani, kukudzudzulani, kapena kukusiyani nokha m’chipinda. Chifukwa chake, ndikofunikira kuti munthawi zovuta, mutha kugwiritsa ntchito kuwongolera m'malingaliro kuti musamalire ndikudzitonthoza nokha m'malo modzudzula chizoloŵezi chanu chofulumira kutengeka ndi kumva zinthu kwambiri ("O, tabweranso!"). Zimangowonjezera kupsinjika komwe mukumva komanso kudzutsidwa kwanuko, ndipo sizikuthandizani kuti mukhazikike mwachangu.

Tom Falkenstein ndi katswiri wodziwa zama psychotherapist. Buku lake lakuti The Highly Sensitive Man, likupezeka tsopano.