Being a psychotherapist for over 40 years, I have seen that most of us would like to feel more love in our lives. We want to feel loved and accepted. But here's something to consider: Is the love that comes your way greater than your capacity to receive it? To what extent are you able to let in affection and love when it moves towards you?
Have you considered that there are people in your life who really care about you and even love you, people who really appreciate you, even if they don't express it verbally? Have you ever thought about how you would be missed by family, friends and even acquaintances if you were no longer around?
A sad aspect of the human condition is that people often express their love in ways that do not fully register within us. When someone calls to say hello, offers their appreciation, gives us a warm hug, looks kindly into our eyes, or gently touches us on the shoulder, how available are we to receive their warm feelings?
Proposals of love and care are fleeting things. It's easy to overlook them amid the distractions and addictions of modern life. Our minds and attention are often somewhere else, far away from the present moment. Maybe we are recovering from a busy day, or overwhelmed by a stressful situation, or overstimulated from having too much to do. Maybe we're worried about our finances or our health, or we're thinking too much about how to move toward a better future.
Distracted from what is before us in the present moment, it is easy to overlook the positive things flowing our way. It is easy to overlook the tender proposals, the loving glances and the warm feelings that surround us, but they do not reach our hearts. How often do we miss out on the care we crave because we are not present when it is presented to us?
There are many other factors that could prevent us from receiving love. Perhaps we carry a core belief that we don't deserve it or that love is not for us. Past wounds can keep our hearts hidden and defended. We don't let love in because we're afraid we'll lose it if we let it: it's better to stay safe than foolishly expose our tender heart, only to have it hurt again. But while we may feel safe in some ways, we deprive ourselves of what could help our hearts soar and our souls prosper. If we want more love and intimacy in our lives, we need to reach deep within ourselves and find the courage to take smart risks. We need to expand our capacity to let love in, letting our guard down at times to allow ourselves to receive one of life's most precious gifts.
The next time someone says a kind word to you, or does something kind for you, or smiles at you with a flash of affection or tenderness, notice how you feel inside your body. Does his affection, and maybe even his love, register within you? How do you feel? How deep can you let it in? Perhaps breathing slowly and deeply and allowing your belly to soften will allow you to receive more deeply.
By becoming more aware of the precious moments when caring and love are right before us, we can allow ourselves to relax. By living more fully in these special moments, we can expand our capacity to give and receive the tender gift of love.
© Juan Amodeo.
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