There will always be one thing that weighs heavily on our enthusiasm for our future. That is our fear.
It's so ironic that part of our brain loves fear and loss of control. Amusement parks make a lot of money by throwing people into fear and danger, and we love it. We paid and waited for hours in line only to be afraid. We go to haunted houses to feel the adrenaline of fear.
Fear is such a deceptive secret. We love it. We hate it. We need it. Without it, we would never achieve anything significant. If we are not afraid, we will never be able to develop courage. It is through courage that we discover the reward of emotion. Imagine that reality.
Fear is an important positive element to move forward.
There are four types of fear: healthy, unhealthy, inevitable and phobias.
healthy fear
Healthy fear is our friend. It is no irony that the bigger we dream and the more we want to succeed, the greater our fear. Fear is a disguise for positive change. Change brings new growth. Healthy fear is like a vitamin.
unhealthy fear
Then there is the unhealthy fear: the overload of “what if” and what could happen. A woman in one of my groups once said, “I'm worried about the next shoe drop, even though everything is fine right now.” The man sitting next to her said, “It seems like you don't trust 'good'.” Hmmm. Trust well.
Another woman was tired of hearing people tell her that tomorrow she could be hit by a bus. She questioned the reason for being constantly afraid of what might happen, and summarized her research in a book she titled, Who Are These Bus Drivers and Why Are They Chasing Me?
When we are enveloped in fear and entrenched in the dark side of sadness, we are not able to see many opportunities. Overcoming and letting go of fear is one of the most difficult challenges we face in life. Playing tug-of-war with our negative emotions seems ridiculous in retrospect, but can be very real in the present moment. It may seem like letting go is not an option.
Inevitable fear
Unavoidable fear includes things like death. There is no use constantly worrying about the possibility of dying. Many people fear change. It's perfectly normal to crave a certain amount of stability and control; however, change is inevitable. Unfortunately, we often don't control it. The Serenity Prayer begins with: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
phobias
Phobias are endless. They can range from the most common in the United States, which are arachnophobia (fear of spiders) and acrophobia (fear of heights), to hundreds of others, such as globophobia (fear of balloons), alektorophobia (fear of chickens) and omphalophobia (fear of the navel). And of course, there is phobophobia, which is the fear of being afraid. I often use these, and dozens of others, to demonstrate the lengths to which our minds will go to scare us.
going through fear
Fear is not the enemy. It is the emotions caused by fear that bring us discomfort. It's important to allow those emotions, not try to push them aside and ignore them. Dr. Robert Maurer says we should learn two big lessons from children: They aren't afraid to tell you what they're afraid of, and they don't apologize for crying. "When was the last time you heard a little child say, 'I'm so sorry I get emotional when I talk about this?'" Maurer asks.
Once we accept fear, address it, and overcome it, we can look for the light at the end of the tunnel of fear.
There are as many beautiful “what ifs” as there are negative “what ifs.”
The importance of hope
From the day we are born, it is human to be afraid. How could you not be scared after being squeezed through a dark tube and then woken up by a strange man in a mask slapping your butt?
We will always have new fears that appear daily, and there are lingering fears that we never seem to get rid of.
“What you fear is never as bad as you imagine. The fear you allow to build up in your mind is worse than the situation that actually exists.”—Spencer Johnson, MD
When we are trapped in fear, many times our willpower is not enough to get us out. That's where hope becomes so important. Think of hope as a best friend who sits next to you and hugs you. You connect with something outside of yourself. Fear and hope may have the best soccer game in your head, but hopefully, hope will win the game.
Fear is a four-letter word, but so is hope.
going forward
I have mentioned in my previous posts that one of the best ways to overcome fear is to confide in a best friend or family member. Welcome offers of positive connections. Hearing yourself speak the words can be healing.
Consider the times in your life when you have felt a beautiful presence of hope and a powerful, deep positivity. Maybe you were looking at the ocean, the stars, or the land below your airplane window. Maybe you were listening to music or looking at art. Can you remember the feeling? Hope is not tangible. It's a feeling, it's faith, it's trust, it's surrender. It's knowing that everything in the universe has always worked.
Now get on a roller coaster and ride the #*~`.
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