It's that time of year again. Many of us were recently with family for Thanksgiving, so maybe you're already feeling uplifted by the joy of being with your parents, siblings, and kids, or maybe you're fried from emotional exhaustion, anticipation, and the expectations of everything. . Or both.
What's the best way to approach the busy holiday season to keep ourselves sane and our relationships intact while still radiating wellness, holiday cheer, and the joys of the season?
Well, before you do anything else, you need to slow down, reflect, and plan for the future. It is in our best interest to take some time to stop and remember what our plans, goals, and expectations are for the holidays, regardless of what we are celebrating.
1. Think about what you want most.
This applies to seeing family and friends, meaningful or spiritual moments or activities, parties you want to go to, or gifts you want to give or receive. Don't feel superficial if those last items are high on your list; They may have been highly valued in their childhood years during the holidays; Maybe your “love language” leans toward “receiving gifts”; Maybe you love a good party, a glass of champagne, and a warm new sweater! Be as honest with yourself as you can – it's the key to avoiding disappointment.
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2. Prioritize.
Chances are, not everything on your list is possible, so it's helpful to identify what's most important to you and your immediate family. Is it more time with family? Give to others? Is there anyone you've been missing? Are you alone and need to communicate? Is your house full of people and you need some time to read a book? Is there a big project at work that you need to focus on, despite the holidays?
Ask yourself what the highlight of the season is for you. Making a new dish for a meal? Be someone's secret Santa? Decorate a tree and sing Christmas carols? Making latkes and planning gifts? Going for a walk with the family? There are no rights or wrongs, just think about what is meaningful to you and make sure you write it down.
3. Don't skimp on thinking about others.
Whatever our personal goals, we all feel better if we can turn the holidays into a time of generosity and connection. Plan to do something for those you think may be having a hard time during the holidays: a recently bereaved friend, refugees far from home, or someone less fortunate than you. Practice that complicated juggling act of being immensely grateful and enjoying what you have and also realizing your privilege and providing some relief or meaningful connection to others. Plan for the end of the year by donating, volunteering, clothing drives, or reaching out to someone you know is alone. The rewards for this are both for the giver and for those to whom it is given.
4. Take a moment to think about the obstacles that may get in the way of your best plans.
Are you doing too much? Have you approached the people you want to see? Are you looking forward to a delicious family lunch when there is an unresolved disagreement that really should be addressed? Identify obvious obstacles and plan for them. Ask yourself, should you adjust your expectations or your actions?
5. It is key to share your thoughts and plans with your partner, friends, family or whoever is part of achieving your goals and expectations.
And, crucially, ask them. I can't tell you how often we build castles in the sky only to fail to include those most relevant to their success. Do your hopes conflict? Are your plans compatible but need a little adjustment? Try to do this ahead of time, so you're not in the middle of a big family gathering or have already purchased plane tickets when you realize you're out of sync.
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6. Be intentional about sharing holiday chores.
If you are the main organizer, you may tend to take charge of all the planning and execution and then wonder why you are so exhausted. Share the load and make planning part of the fun, or if it's a real task, make it part of the connection: Tell your helper how much you appreciate them. For our holiday lunch, my son, who says he is not a cook but likes sausage stuffing better, makes it every year; my daughter, who loves to bake, makes a dessert; Guests are responsible for purchasing crackers and bringing a plate. Everyone does something.
7. When temperatures rise, try to get some perspective.
Imagine yourself on a balcony and see what happens from there. It will often give you a very different image than the one you have "in the trenches." Then choose from these old chestnuts and adages whichever is most useful as your mantra for that moment: Maintain perspective; Enjoy the moment; Don't sweat the small things; Don't let the perfect get in the way of the good; It's about being together. For me, I will use them all at some point and will actually write some of them on cards and hang them on my wall as regular reminders.
And finally, try to remember that in order for everyone to have some holiday magic, there will be a lot of compromises. You will be doing some things for yourself and others for others, some things you like and others not so much. But if we look at the big picture, we really care: being with family and friends, being kind to others, and participating in a season that, regardless of your spiritual beliefs or none, is always best focused on love, kindness and inclusion.
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