Umthombo: Marek Studzinski/Unsplash
Ukudakumba akuze "kuvalwe ivenkile." Hayi, njengekaDenny, ivuliwe 24/7/365.
Ndimele ndiyazi. Ndifumana uhlobo oluthile lwaloo nto minyaka le. Ayihlali xesha lide kwaye ayisaqini njengakuqala, kwaye ndiyayibulela loo nto. Kodwa isaqhubeka. Xa isenza, iyafutha. Iyafutha ngokwenene. Abo kuni baye bafumana uxinzelelo lwezonyango bayayazi into endiyithethayo. Abantu ababathandayo abanengxaki yokudakumba nabo bayayazi into endiyithethayo.
Umsebenzi "Ukubuyisela"
Njengabanye kwixesha elidlulileyo, eli xesha leeholide lidlulileyo kulapho iifoto zosapho zigcwele ngokungakhathali, umculo we-upbeat mall udlala ngokungapheziyo, kunye neemovie zeHallmark ezinje ngeSingle All the Way ezithandwayo kwiNetflix.
Andinanto ichasene nexesha leholide, ngokwe. Enyanisweni, ndenze konke okusemandleni am ukunciphisa uthando lwam / intiyo yobudlelwane kunye neeholide kulo nyaka. "Ndiyifumene iKrisimesi kwakhona" (njengoko umhlobo osisilumko wacebisa). Ndenze ixesha ngendlela yam. Imantra yam: akukho xinzelelo, akukho tyala, akukho "kufuneka" kum. Khange ndithumele nawaphi na amakhadi okanye ndibhake iindidi ezintathu zamaqebengwana. Khange ndiluthathe olo hambo luhle ngosuku lokuqala kwakhithika.
Noko ke, ndandithe phithi yivenkile yezandla zikaMichael ndaza ndazisonga izipho ngobunono, ubuchule bokuyila, neentsimbi ezininzi ezikhalayo. Kodwa oku kwakungenxa yokuba ndiyakuthanda ukusonga izipho. Ndilayite ndahombisa umthi wetafile kamakhulu ndaxhoma izibane kumnyango wangaphambili. Ngokuqinisekileyo uMartha Stewart akahlali apha, kwaye kulungile nam.
Ubusika bokudakumba
Ndihlala ndibethwa ngeeveki ezimbalwa zoxinzelelo ngoNovemba xa ukukhanya kuncipha, kwakhona ngoJanuwari, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ngoFebruwari. Ubunokuyithelekelela; ubusika ayiloxesha lam endilithandayo. Ukudakumba ngoDisemba phantse kunikezelwe. Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa phambi kweKrisimesi kulo nyaka, ndeva iminwe yakhe enethunzi inditsalela phantsi.
Ndihlala ndikhangela izizathu zokuba inokwenzeka. Kutheni inokuba indibhijela nje ngathi sisikhafu esirhawuzelelwa. Lo nyaka yiKrisimesi yam yokuqala yokwenene ngaphandle komyeni wam, ngoku "iqela lam lokuqala." Sobabini sivumile ukuba "ex" ivakala kakhulu ngathi ngumbulali okanye intshabalalo eyoyikekayo. Saye sagqiba ke ukuba ndingu "woman-woman" wakhe yena yi "gang" yam.
Nangona ukuhamba ngeendlela zabo yayilukhetho lobulumko, oko akuthethi ukuba ukhuselekile kwi-melancholy. Ubudlelwane bethu beminyaka engama-20. Luninzi lokwabelana ngezonka ezimfutshane.
Indida yokusukela ulonwabo
Ingxaki ngoku kukuba bendijongene nobuso ngobuso obu buhlaza bubhityileyo, kunye nesanti ezizigxothayo ibihlala kuwo onke amalungu omzimba wam. Ndaguquguquka phakathi kokubaleka kuyo, ndizimele kuyo, ndiphefumla ngayo, ndiyihlalutya kakhulu, ndithumele umyalezo ngayo, kwaye ekugqibeleni “ndiqhubeke nosuku lwam” ngayo.
Inketho yokugqibela ineziphumo ezilungileyo kum. Okukhathazayo, kokukhona ndizama 1) ukufumanisa ukuba kutheni ndidakumbile kwaye ndivuthulula kwaye 2) ndingxamele ukwenza into ukuze ndizive ndidakumbile kancinci, kokukhona ndiziva ndidakumbile. Ngaba kukho nabani na onxibelelanayo?
Lo ngumzekeliso okhohlakeleyo wokusukela ulonwabo. Okukhona ndizama ukuziva ndonwabile, kokukhona ulonwabo luphela kwaye kokukhona ndidimazeka ngakumbi. Okukhona ndizibetha ngenxa yokudandatheka nokungakwazi ukuphuma kobo bugxwayiba bam, kokukhona ndizama ukuphuma kuko. Kwaye ke isangqa esikhohlakeleyo siyaziphinda.
Nasemva kweminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabini yamava noxinzelelo, izixhobo ezininzi zokuzilawula, unyango, kunye nolwazi olululo, ndisalibele ukuphumla kwaye ndivumele iimpawu zokudakumba zihambe, njengeempawu ezibandayo. Phakathi kokudakumba, kunzima ukukhumbula ukuba konke endikufunayo kukubeka unyawo olunye phambi kolunye, ndenze konke okusemandleni am ukunyamezela ukungonwabi kunye nokungaqiniseki, kwaye ndivumele ukuba ndive iimvakalelo zam. Ingeniso. Ndiyazi. Kodwa ekuphela kwendlela yokuphuma kudlula, akunjalo? Akukho zijiki apha.
Yaye ngaphezu kwako konke, yiba nobubele kum kangangoko unako (okanye ubuncinane ukhumbule umntu ondibonise ububele kuba ngamanye amaxesha ndisuke ndingakwazi ukuzisizela).
Ndiyenza njengomcebisi wam. U-Andie onzima undiqeqeshela ukuba: Ndive iimvakalelo zam ngelixa ndisenza ishishini lam. Ukuzifihla phantsi kwezigqubuthelo kwaye ndingaphumi ebhedini yam kunokuziva ndikhululekile okwethutyana, kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, kuyenza ibe mandundu ngakumbi ukudandatheka kwam.
Ufundo olubalulekileyo kuxinzelelo
Ngoko ngenye imini kwiiveki ezintathu ezidlulileyo, xa ndandiziva ndiphantsi, ndalala iyure eyongezelelweyo, emva koko ndaphikisana nam, ndixoxa ngeenzuzo zokuphuma ebhedini, ndaza ndaphakama. Ayisiyonto incinci xa umzimba wakho uziva ngathi isamente incamathele kwiduvet.
Ndathatha iyeza lam ndabhalela umhlobo wam umyalezo ukuba abe ngumhlobo werekhodi. Ndamxelela ukuba ndiza kubaleka, ndihlambe (into efuna umgudu ongakumbi xa udandathekile), nditye isidlo sasemini, kwaye ndiqalise ukwenza umsebenzi othile. Kwakungekho themba lingako kumhla wam njengesakhiwo ekunokwakhelwa kuso ithemba.
Ukwenza ezi zinto akuzange kulwenze kuphele ukudandatheka, kodwa kwandenza ndaziva ngathi udandatheko andinalo. Ndinelizwi ebomini bam, mhlawumbi hayi indlela endiziva ngayo ngalo lonke ixesha, kodwa ndine-arhente. Nantso enye nugget evela Hard-esile Andie. Undikhumbuza ukuba ndinamandla kwaye ndinokhetho ebomini bam, nangona ukudandatheka kungavumi.
Ukuba unengxaki yokudakumba okanye "nje" uziva udakumbile okanye unesithukuthezi, khumbula ukuba akufuneki ufumanise ukuba kutheni. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ulwe ukuze utshintshe indlela oziva ngayo. Endaweni yoko, khumbula ukuba une-arhente.
Oko kunokubonakala ngathi bubuxoki obukhulu. Kodwa ndilapha ukuze ndikuxelele ukuba akunjalo.
Njengoko iintsuku zazihamba kwaye ndisebenzisa i-arhente yam ukwenza izigqibo kwicala elifanelekileyo, ndaqalisa ukuziva ngcono. Xa siphantsi, sinokuthatha inyathelo elinye ngexesha kwaye siqhubeke neshishini. Ewe, kuya kuziva kungakhululekanga, nokuba lusizi ngamanye amaxesha (ndizithethela), kodwa ukwenza imisebenzi emincinci yemihla ngemihla kunceda ukudlula ixesha ngelixa ukudakumba kusebenza ngendlela yokuphuma kwiinkqubo zethu.
Izimvo zakutshanje