Zvichida hapana rwiyo runotsanangura zviri nani kunzwa kwevakaroorana vakawanda kana chido uye chido chepabonde chapera kupfuura rwiyo rwaBob Dylan kubva "It Ain't Me Babe": "Hapana pano chinofamba ..."
Ndizvo zvinonzwa varume nevakadzi vakawanda muukama hwenguva refu, sekunge kemikari yakambounza vaviri vacho pamwe chete inonzwa yakafa uye isina upenyu. Unogona here kudzoreredza chishuwo chako iwe paunonzwa kuti chakafa zvachose?
Mhinduro, kazhinji kazhinji, ndihungu.
Kutanga, kangani vakaroorana vanofara vanoita zvepabonde? Maererano naMuise (2015), bonde rinowanzoitika rinobatanidzwa nemufaro wakawanda, asi kuita zvepabonde kanopfuura kamwe chete pavhiki hazvibatanidzi nemufaro mukuru. Nemamwe mashoko, chinangwa chakanaka chenguva refu kune vakaroorana ndechekuita zvepabonde kamwe chete pavhiki.
Kunobva: Olena Yakobchuk / Shutterstock
Munguva pfupi yapfuura ndakashanda nemumwe mutengi muwanano yenguva refu akandiudza kuti iye nemurume wake havacharara. “Ndinoda kunzwa ndinodiwa nomumwe munhu,” akadaro, achisimbisa zvinonzwa vamwe vakawanda pashure pemakore nomudiwa mumwe cheteyo. Rudzi rwechido chinouya neukama hutsva haruwanzowaniki mune vakaroorana vave vari pamwe kwemakore akawanda. Mufaro (uye ruchiva) rwehukama hutsva hunowedzerwa nechakavanzika chinowanikwa mukutsvaga mumwe munhu mutsva uye kuongorora pfungwa dzeumwe neumwe, muviri, uye mamiriro emanzwiro. Kana uchinge wava nemumwe munhu kwemakore akawanda kudaro, unotomuziva munhu iyeye, uye pane zvakawanda zvishoma zvekuwana-uye kumutsa manzwiro-kupfuura apo imi vaviri makanga musina chinhu.
Nepo ungasambonzwa rumutsiriro rwerudzi rwerumuko rwawaiva narwo pakutanga, unogona kunzwa shungu neruchiva zvakare. Heino mibvunzo mitanhatu yekuzvibvunza uye nzira dzine hukama dzaungashandisa kuti uwirirane mupfungwa uye mumuviri nemumwe wako.
1. Munopedza nguva yakawanda sei muri pamwe chete?
Kana iwe uchitopedza yakawanda yenguva yako yemahara pamwe chete, nzvimbo diki inogona kubatsira kuita kuti nguva yako pamwe iwedzere kunakidza. Joinha kirabhu kana boka revanhu, kana tanga chiitiko chekunze chinokupa chimwe chinhu chekutarisira nekuvandudza manzwiro ako. Sezvaunoita kuti upenyu hwako huwedzere kunakidza, uchaona kuti unenge wava kukwanisa kuonanazve nemumwe wako panguva yamunenge muri mese. Kune rumwe rutivi, kana usingapedzi nguva yakawanda yakanaka nomumwe wako, shandai pakupedza nguva yakawanda muri pamwe chete. Ronga husiku hwemazuva kaviri pamwedzi uye ronga chiitiko chakakosha pamwe chete: kupera kwevhiki, kudya kwakakosha, nezvimwe. Kune vakaroorana vasingaonane kakawanda, kupedza nguva yakanaka pamwe chete ndiyo imwe yenzira dzechokwadi dzekubatana mupfungwa. Chinokosha, chokwadika, ndechekuisa pfungwa pakubatana kwepfungwa; manzwiro epabonde uye echido anomuka chete kubva kune ino sosi.
2. Sei usina kuedza kurapwa kwevakaroorana?
Ruzhinji rwevakaroorana vanonzwa kushayikwa kwechido havana kutsvaga rubatsiro rwenyanzvi. Vanhu vazhinji vanofunga nezvekurapa kwevakaroora sekuvhura bhokisi rePandora vobva vatsungirira gore kana maviri ekurapa kunorwadza kubata chero nyaya dzinomuka. Panzvimbo pekusvika papfungwa yekukumbira rubatsiro nenzira-yese-kana-isina, zviudze wega kuti imi vaviri munogona kuenda kumisangano mishoma kuti muwane mhinduro kana mazano anobatsira. Kana ukasarudza kuenda kune mamwe masesheni, isarudzo yako; kana ukafunga kuti unongoda kugadziridza pfupi, zvakanaka futi. Asi unogona kushamisika kuona kuti vaviri kana vatatu vakaroorana kurapa misangano inogona kutanga shanduko muukama hwako.
3. Zvii zverudo zvawange uchiita munguva pfupi yapfuura?
Dzimwe nguva pfungwa dzakanyanya kukosha dzine revo uye dzechokwadi. Kana iwe uchida kunzwa kudanana nemumwe wako, heino zano rinopenga: Ita zvinhu zverudo. Buda kunodya kuresitorendi yerudo, famba-famba mushure mekudya kwemanheru manheru akanaka, kana kuvesa moto muchoto uye kuisa mimhanzi inozorodza. Zvimwe zvaungasarudza zvinosanganisira kunyora manotsi apo neapo wosiira mumwe wako, kuuya nechipo chiduku kana chikuru kumba pashure pebasa, uye kugadzira zvokudya zvakabikwa kumba kana kuti kugeza nemwenje. Hapana chimwe chekuedza uku chichachinja pakarepo matauriro ehukama hwenyu hwese, saka kuomerera kune maitiro akadaro nguva dzose kunogona kuunza zvishoma nezvishoma imi vaviri pedyo pamwe chete.
4. Une here manzwiro aunoda kusuma kana kuunza patsva?
Kune vamwe varume nevakadzi, pfungwa yekupfeka uye kutamba-mukamuri yekurara inonakidza, asi haisi yemunhu wese. Wakamboedza kuongorora nematoyi epabonde kana zvipfeko zvakakosha muimba yekurara? Kana usati, ungada kuedza. Imwe yemakiyi ekudzoreredza chishuwo muhukama ndeyekuzorodza zvinhu, uye kuedza zvinhu zvitsva zvinogona kubatsira. Kana iwe uchitoshandisa zvishandiso, kana kuti wakazviedza kare uye usingazvifarire, mamwe emamwe maitiro akanyorwa pano anogona kubatsira. (Kana iwe ukaona kuti hapana chinobatsira kuwedzera chishuwo, chaunganyatso kuda ndechimwe mhinduro yehunyanzvi inogona kukubatsira kuona kuti chii chiri kushaikwa muhukama hwako.)
5. Wakamboongorora here zvaunokoshesa mudiwa wako?
Vamwe vanhu vanoita zvirinani nekunyora zvavanofunga nezvehukama hwavo nemudiwa wavo mujenari. Kana wakavhurika kune izvi, nyora runyoro rwekutenda kamwe pasvondo umo iwe unonyora pasi hunhu hwaunoda uye hunoyemurwa mumumwe wako. Nyorawo maitiro anoita mumwe wako nezvaanofarira. Kana iwe usingakwanisi kuburitsa bhuku rakasungwa nedehwe kubva pausiku hwako uye kunyora pfungwa dzako dzepachivande, usanetseka-ingopedza nguva vhiki imwe neimwe uchifunga nezvezvinhu zvinofarirwa nemumwe wako. Ungave uri kutyaira, kuwacha, kana kubika kudya kwemanheru, tora maminetsi mashoma uye urangwe kuti uzviyeuchidze nezvezvaunoda kune mumwe wako.
6. Kangani kaunorumbidza kana kutaura zvaunoda pamumwe wako?
Vazhinji vedu hatishande nesimba kuti tigare tichitsanangurira mumwe wedu kuti sei uye nei tichivada. Iwe unogona kuti "Ndinokuda" zuva rega rega, asi chii chimwe chaungaita kuti mumwe wako anzwe akakosha uye achidiwa? Semuenzaniso, ingani rumbidzo yaunofunga kuti wakapa mumwe wako svondo rapfuura? Kana iwe uchida kubatana zvakare mupfungwa uye pabonde, rumbidza uye koshesa mumwe wako zuva rega rega. Iwe uchaona kuti kuedza uku kune reflexive mhedzisiro; mumwe wako achatanga kukuitira zvimwe chetezvo.
Pakupedzisira, hapana nzira iri nyore yekutonga chido uye hukama hwehukama muhukama hurefu. Zvinotora basa pane yako uye kune akati wandei nzira dzaunofanirwa kuyedza, zvese zvinotungamira kune vakanaka uye vakabatana vaviri.
Ongorora bhuku rangu reDysfunctional Romantic Relationships, Kunda Relationship Repeat Syndrome, uye Tsvaga Rudo Rwaunokodzera.
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