Mwina palibe nyimbo yomwe imalongosola bwino momwe maanja ambiri amamvera pamene chilakolako ndi chilakolako chogonana chimatha kusiyana ndi nyimbo ya Bob Dylan yochokera ku "It Ain't Me Babe": "Palibe chilichonse pano chomwe chimasuntha ..."
Izi ndi zomwe amuna ndi akazi ambiri amamva ngati ali paubwenzi wautali, ngati kuti chemistry yomwe inawagwirizanitsa awiriwo imakhala yakufa komanso yopanda moyo. Kodi mungayambirenso chilakolakocho mukamva kuti chafatu?
Yankho, kwakukulukulu, ndi inde.
Poyamba, kodi mabanja osangalala amagonana kangati? Malinga ndi Muise (2015), kugonana kawirikawiri kumagwirizanitsidwa ndi chimwemwe chochuluka, koma kugonana kangapo kamodzi pa sabata sikukugwirizana ndi chisangalalo chachikulu. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, cholinga chabwino cha nthawi yayitali kwa okwatirana ndi kugonana kamodzi pa sabata.
Chitsime: Olena Yakobchuk / Shutterstock
Posachedwapa ndinagwira ntchito ndi kasitomala muukwati wautali yemwe anandiuza kuti iye ndi mwamuna wake sakugonananso. “Ndimafuna kumva kukondedwa ndi winawake,” iye anatero, kutsimikizira zimene ena ambiri amamva pambuyo pa zaka zambiri ali ndi mnzawo yemweyo. Mtundu wa chilakolako chomwe chimabwera ndi chiyanjano chatsopano sichipezeka kawirikawiri mwa okwatirana omwe akhala pamodzi kwa zaka zambiri. Chisangalalo (ndi chikhumbo) cha ubale watsopano chimakulitsidwa ndi chinsinsi chopezeka pozindikira wina watsopano ndikuwunika malingaliro, thupi, ndi malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake. Mukakhala ndi munthu kwa zaka zambiri, mumamudziwa bwino munthuyo, ndipo palibenso zambiri zoti mudziwe—ndi kusonkhezera maganizo—kuposa pamene nonse awiri munali opanda kanthu.
Ngakhale kuti simungamvenso chitsitsimutso cha mtundu wa kudzutsidwa komwe munali nako pachiyambi, mukhoza kumva chilakolako ndi chilakolako kachiwiri. Nawa mafunso asanu ndi limodzi oti mudzifunse nokha ndi njira zofananira zomwe mungagwiritse ntchito kuti mulumikizanenso ndi okondedwa wanu.
1. Kodi mumathera nthawi yochuluka bwanji limodzi?
Ngati mumathera kale nthawi yambiri yaulere palimodzi, malo ochepa angathandize kuti nthawi yanu ikhale yosangalatsa kwambiri. Lowani nawo kalabu kapena gulu lochezera, kapena yambitsani zochitika zina zomwe zingakupatseni zomwe mungayembekezere ndikuwongolera malingaliro anu. Mukamapanga moyo wanu kukhala wosangalatsa, mudzaona kuti mudzatha kugwirizananso ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu pa nthawi imene muli limodzi. Kumbali ina, ngati simukhala ndi nthawi yambiri yabwino ndi mnzanu, yesetsani kuthera nthawi yambiri pamodzi. Konzani tsiku lausiku kawiri pamwezi ndikukonzekera ntchito yapadera pamodzi: kumapeto kwa sabata, chakudya chamadzulo chapadera, ndi zina zotero. Kwa maanja omwe samawonana pafupipafupi, kuthera nthawi yabwino limodzi ndi njira imodzi yotsimikizika yolumikizirananso m'malingaliro. Mfungulo, ndithudi, ndikuyang'ana pa kugwirizana kwamaganizo; Kugonana ndi kukhudzika mtima kumangobwera kuchokera ku gwero ili.
2. Chifukwa chiyani simunayezepo chithandizo cha maanja?
Mabanja ambiri amene amaona kuti alibe chilakolako sanapeze thandizo la akatswiri. Anthu ambiri amaganiza za chithandizo cha maanja ngati kutsegula bokosi la Pandora ndikupirira chaka chimodzi kapena ziwiri zamankhwala ovuta kuthana ndi zovuta zilizonse zomwe zingabuke. M'malo moyandikira lingaliro lopempha thandizo mwanjira iliyonse kapena ayi, dziuzeni kuti nonse awiri mutha kupezekapo magawo angapo kuti mupeze mayankho kapena malingaliro othandiza. Ngati mungasankhe kupita ku magawo ambiri, ndi kusankha kwanu; ngati mukuganiza kuti mukungofuna zosintha zazifupi, zili bwinonso. Koma mungadabwe kupeza kuti magawo awiri kapena atatu ochiritsira amatha kuyambitsa kusintha kwa ubale wanu.
3. Kodi ndi zinthu ziti zachikondi zomwe mwakhala mukuchita posachedwapa?
Nthawi zina malingaliro ofunikira kwambiri amakhala atanthauzo komanso owona. Ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi chikondi kwambiri ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, nali lingaliro lopenga: Chitani zachikondi. Pitani kukadya ku lesitilanti yachikondi, yendani mukatha kudya madzulo okongola, kapena kuyatsa moto pamoto ndikuyimba nyimbo zotonthoza. Zinthu zina zimene mungachite ndi kulemba manotsi apanthaŵi ndi nthaŵi ndi kuwasiyira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, kubweretsa mphatso yaing’ono kapena yaikulu kunyumba mukaweruka kuntchito, ndi kuphika chakudya chophikidwa kunyumba kapena chosamba choyatsa makandulo. Palibe mwa kuyesetsa kumeneku komwe kungasinthe nthawi yomweyo kamvekedwe ka ubale wanu wonse, kotero kumamatira ku machitidwe otere pafupipafupi kumatha kubweretsa awiri a inu kuyandikana.
4. Kodi muli ndi zomvera zilizonse zomwe mukufuna kuziwonetsa kapena kuziwonetsanso?
Kwa amuna ndi akazi ena, lingaliro la kuvala ndi kusewera m'chipinda chogona ndi losangalatsa, koma si la aliyense. Kodi munayesapo kufufuza ndi zoseweretsa zogonana kapena zovala zapadera m'chipinda chogona? Ngati simunatero, mungafune kuyesa. Chimodzi mwa makiyi obwezeretsanso chilakolako muubwenzi ndikutsitsimutsa zinthu, ndipo kuyesa zinthu zatsopano kungathandize. Ngati mumagwiritsa ntchito kale zida, kapena munaziyeserapo m'mbuyomu ndipo simukuzikonda, machitidwe ena omwe alembedwa apa angakuthandizeni. (Ngati muwona kuti palibe chomwe chimathandizira kukulitsa chilakolako, zomwe mungafune ndi ndemanga za akatswiri zomwe zingakuthandizeni kudziwa zomwe zikusowa muubwenzi wanu.)
5. Kodi mwaunika zomwe mumayamikira mwa okondedwa wanu?
Anthu ena amachita bwino polemba zomwe amalingalira za ubale wawo ndi okondedwa awo m'magazini. Ngati muli omasuka ku izi, lembani mndandanda woyamikira kamodzi pa sabata momwe mumalemba makhalidwe omwe mumakonda komanso amayamikira mwa mnzanuyo. Lembaninso makhalidwe amene mnzanuyo amachita ndi kusangalala nawo. Ngati simungathe kutulutsa magazini yachikopa kuchokera kumalo anu ausiku ndikulemba malingaliro anu achinsinsi, musadandaule - khalani ndi nthawi sabata iliyonse kuganizira zomwe wokondedwa wanu amasangalala nazo. Kaya mukuyendetsa galimoto, kuchapa zovala, kapena kuphika chakudya chamadzulo, tengani mphindi zochepa ndikulangidwa kuti mukumbukire zomwe mumakonda za mnzanuyo.
6. Kodi mumayamikira kapena kufotokoza zomwe mumakonda pa wokondedwa wanu?
Ambiri aife sitilimbikira kufotokozera mnzathu pafupipafupi momwe timawakondera komanso chifukwa chake. Mutha kunena kuti “Ndimakukondani” tsiku lililonse, koma ndi chiyani chinanso chimene mungachite kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amve kuti ndinu wofunika komanso kuti mumamukonda? Mwachitsanzo, ndi zinthu zingati zoyamikira zomwe mukuganiza kuti munapereka kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu sabata yatha? Ngati mukufuna kugwirizananso m'maganizo ndi kugonana, yamikirani ndikuyamikira wokondedwa wanu tsiku ndi tsiku. Mudzawona kuti zoyesayesa izi zimakhala ndi zotsatira zowunikira; mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu adzayamba kuchita chimodzimodzi kwa inu.
Pamapeto pake, palibe njira yophweka yobweretsera chilakolako ndikugwirizanitsanso m'maganizo mu ubale wautali. Zimatengera ntchito kumbali yanu ndipo pali njira zingapo zomwe muyenera kuyesa, zonse zomwe zingapangitse banja labwino komanso lolumikizana.
Onani bukhu langa la Dysfunctional Romantic Relationships, Gonjetsani Ubale Wobwerezabwereza Syndrome, ndi Pezani Chikondi Chomwe Chikuyenera.
Ndemanga zaposachedwa