Welina mai iā The Attraction Doctor

ʻOiai hiki ke loaʻa i kahi manawa kūpono ka lanakila, hiki ke paʻakikī a paʻakikī hoʻi. No laila, ʻoi aku ka makemake o kekahi poʻe e lawe i kahi ala ʻē aʻe i ka wā e nīnau ai i kahi mea aloha (ʻoi aku ka poʻe hilahila a i ʻole ka hopohopo pili kanaka). ʻO ke ala pololei liʻiliʻi e wehe i kekahi o ka pilikia a me ka maopopo ʻole o ka mea noi. Hiki ke maʻalahi ke kaʻina hana.

ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, aia nā hoʻolālā a me nā mākau pilikanaka e nīnau malū i kāu mea e makemake ai. ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, aia kekahi mau hoʻolālā lanakila (nā ala e hiki ai i nā mea ʻē aʻe ke hana i kāu mea e makemake ai), ʻo kekahi ʻaʻole pono ke koi pololei (Kellermann & Cole, 1994). Ma lalo wau e kuhikuhi i kekahi o kēia mau hoʻolālā a hoʻohana iā lākou e kiʻi i kahi ʻōlelo (me nā hiʻohiʻona o ka wehewehe ʻana i nā ʻenehana "nāwaliwali" a me nā "ikaika").

Hoʻonohonoho nā hoʻolālā indirect i kahi manawa

1) Manaʻo: Loaʻa kēia i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ʻōlelo ma ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā manaʻo kuhikuhi. Hana ʻoe i kāu mea e makemake ai ma ka hāʻawi ʻana iā ia ma ke ʻano he koho.

Pākuhi:

  • ʻO ʻoe: He aha kāu e hana ai i kēia hopena pule?
  • ʻO lākou: Ua noʻonoʻo wau e hele i ka bowling.
  • 'Oe: Le'ale'a. E hele au e ʻike ma ka hale kiʻiʻoniʻoni (kiʻiʻoniʻoni). Makemake paha ʻoe e hele?

A i ʻole (ikaika) ...

  • ʻO ʻoe: He aha kāu e hana ai i kēia hopena pule?
  • ʻO lākou: Ua noʻonoʻo wau e hele i ka bowling.
  • 'Oe: Le'ale'a. A i ʻole hiki iā mākou ke hele i nā kiʻiʻoniʻoni. He nani ke kiʻiʻoniʻoni hou ...

2) ʻO kou manaʻo: ʻO kēia hoʻolālā e noʻonoʻo ai kekahi i kou manaʻo i ka manawa mua.

Pākuhi:

  • ʻO ʻoe: ʻIke paha ʻoe i kahi maikaʻi no ka meaʻai Italia? Makemake au e ʻai i kēia.
  • Them: ʻAe, makemake au i ka meaʻai ma Mario's. E hele i laila.
  • ʻO ʻoe: He manaʻo maikaʻi kēlā. No kou makemake, hiki paha iā kāua ke hele pū?

A i ʻole (ikaika) ...

  • ʻO ʻoe: ʻIke paha ʻoe i kahi maikaʻi no ka meaʻai Italia? Makemake au e ʻai i kēia.
  • Them: ʻAe, makemake au i ka meaʻai ma Mario's. E hele i laila.
  • ʻO ʻoe: He manaʻo maikaʻi kēlā. Pono mākou e hele. Iā ʻoe e kaʻawale?

3) No ke aha ʻaʻole? - Hoʻololi kēia ala i ka dynamics a hoʻoikaika i ka mea ʻē aʻe e hoʻāʻo e ʻimi i nā kumu e pono ʻole ai lākou e hana i kāu mea e manaʻo ai (he paʻakikī). Nīnau ʻo ia iā lākou "no ke aha ʻaʻole"?

Pākuhi:

  • ʻO ʻoe: He maikaʻi ke ʻano o kēia hopena pule a ua wehe ʻia kēia hale ʻaina hou i ke kaona. ʻAʻole wau ʻike i ke kumu e hele ʻole ai mākou e ʻike iā ia.

A i ʻole (ikaika) ...

  • He hoʻokahi ʻoe. ʻO wau wale nō. No ke aha ʻaʻole mākou e hele i waho i kekahi manawa?

4) Loaʻa: Me kēia ʻenehana, lanakila ʻoe ma ka wehewehe ʻana i kahi waiwai i ka mea āu e hoʻāʻo nei e hōʻoia. E haʻi aku ʻoe iā ia "he aha kā lākou e loaʻa mai ai."

Pākuhi:

  • ʻO ʻoe: Loaʻa iā lākou kahi cappuccino maikaʻi ma ka hale ʻaina. Makemake paha ʻoe e hoʻāʻo.
  • ʻO lākou: maikaʻi ke kani. Pēlā koʻu manaʻo.
  • Maikaʻi ʻoe. Makemake au i kekahi no'u iho. Hiki paha iā kāua ke hele pū? Ua noa au i ka Poalua ma hope o ke kula.

A i ʻole (ikaika) ...

  • ʻO ʻoe: Pono ʻoe e hele i kēia cafe hou, he cappuccino maikaʻi kā lākou.
  • ʻO lākou: maikaʻi ke kani. Pēlā koʻu manaʻo.
  • Maikaʻi ʻoe. Makemake au i kekahi no'u iho. Hiki iā mākou ke hele i ka Pōʻalua ma hope o ke kula.

5) Paʻa: Ke hana nei kēia hoʻolālā ma ka hoʻokūkū ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe e hana i kāu mea e makemake ai e hana lākou. E noʻonoʻo ʻoe he hoʻokūkū leʻaleʻa, piliwaiwai, a hoʻokūkū paha.

Pākuhi:

  • ʻO ʻoe: ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i kahi lā mua ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua oʻu. Makemake au e (wehewehe i kāu lā kūpono). He aha kāu e hana ai?
  • ʻO lākou: ʻO wau… (wehewehe i kāna lā kūpono).
  • ʻO ʻoe: maikaʻi kēlā. Ua maikaʻi, lanakila ʻoe. ʻOiaʻiʻo, makemake nui wau e hana i kēlā. E hele paha kāua? Pehea kou manao?

A i ʻole (ikaika) ...

  • ʻO ʻoe: ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i kahi lā mua ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua oʻu. Makemake au e (wehewehe i kāu lā kūpono). He aha kāu e hana ai?
  • ʻO lākou: ʻO wau… (wehewehe i kāna lā kūpono).
  • ʻO ʻoe: maikaʻi kēlā. Ua maikaʻi, lanakila ʻoe. E hele kāua i kāu hālāwai. ʻEhia ka manawa aʻu e ʻike ai iā ʻoe

hopena hopena

ʻAʻole pololei kēia mau ʻenehana. Akā e mālama pono ma mua o ka hoʻohana ʻana iā lākou. ʻOiai lākou e pale aku i ka ʻino o ka nīnau pololei ʻana, hiki ke unuhi ʻia ma ke ʻano he manipulative liʻiliʻi (ʻoi aku ka "ikaika" mana). No laila, mai poina e ʻaʻahu iā lākou me ka ʻakaʻaka, ma ke ʻano aloha a me ka ʻoliʻoli (e like me ʻoe e hoʻāʻo nei e nani, ʻaʻole hoʻopunipuni). Eia nō naʻe, hiki iā ʻoe ke "hoʻopau" i kekahi mau hoa aloha i makemake i kahi ala pololei a "ʻoiaʻiʻo". ʻO nā mea ʻē aʻe, ʻike lākou i nā hoʻolālā like me ke akamai, flirty, a me ka nani. ʻO ka hope loa, hoʻoholo ʻoe (a ʻo kāu kālepa kēia) ma waena o ke ala pololei a me ke ala ʻole. Laki maikaʻi ma kekahi hihia!

© 2011 na Jeremy S. Nicholson, MA, MSW, Ph.D. Ua mālama ʻia nā kuleana āpau.

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